Ha. Love. It’s such a funny little gremlin. You could say it’s the sharpest edged sword or the quickest pistol draw. The most lethal of weapons. To be honest love is the ultimate mind-fuck. You make stupid rash decisions because of love. You desert your friends and leave family. A bit like when Andy got Buzz in Toy Story. Everyone tells you it’s shit and you don’t need it. Blow me, I’d given up on it. Then I heard that a sublime actor, who why has never won an Oscar defeats me, once said the following:
“Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.”
Oh boy. This was a hammer on the nails head. A ‘fucking hell Neeson is onto something moment’ that seemed to make sense of all the errors I had encountered or saw like car crashes around me. In this truth I think it’s fair to say that instead of ever being in love previously (Nuffan this does not include you!) I was making a complete hash of my life trying to stave off the sheer fear of those emotions drowning me.
I changed into people I didn’t want to become because I had found someone who wasn’t rejecting me as I had made my self seem appealing in the just the right but ashamedly so way. Or I wasn’t feeling lonely because I became embroiled in a massive social circuit that took over my life. Or I didn’t want to loose what I thought what was myself so I tried to make a better version of myself. I sadly realised that I had come out of such a tumultuous few years because actually none of it was for the gift of love. I fucking gave my all for an illusion of being someone’s everything. But in reality any stupid bitch could have done my stint for me.
And I know Neeson is right. Because thankfully I have found my genuine left half. I say this because he is left handed and I am obviously not satanic spawn and write with my right hand. And for the very first time. There is no fear or hurt to keep at bay. Love is legitimately Sweet AF. The Dopest of Dope. The Chillest of Chill. Bitches Be Humble. I feel like I have run a 5 year marathon and now I am wrapped in turkey foil to cool my aching muscles, with a gold medal round my neck being doused in cold water and being made to sit down. I feel like when you peel a sticker off all in one go and it makes that soothing ‘Shhhhhhhhhhhhhlup’ sound. Hey, I even go as far to say as I am legit happy. I smile all the time now. It’s weird.
Love is like Sudocrem. It covers up the shitty feeling of feeling shit and then makes you all better.